Ever wonder why we do what we do? Particularly things that are unhealthy and don’t serve you, ever question why you keep doing it over and over? One theory is that this destructive act or habit is fulfilling one of our basic human needs.
To understand our needs is to understand why we do what we do. We can gain valuable insight as to what drives us to certain addictions and what those addictions may be trying to tell us about our needs. Once we understand our subconscious motivations there is a window for self-compassion and perhaps changing our toxic habits for healthy ones that will also cater to the needs we were trying to satisfy in the first place.
Listen to this week's podcast episode and understand what drives your actions so you can break your bad habits. 🎙💖 ⬇️
The 6 Basic Human Needs
The famous coach and motivator, Tony Robbins, separates the basic human needs into two categories: the needs of the personality and the needs of the spirit. Hence, why I separated the subject matter into a two part podcast series.
In this week’s episode, I focus only on the needs of the personality which comprise of the needs for certainty, variety, significance and Love (Connection).
The Need for Certainty
Certainty is the first and the most basic human need. However, this doesn’t just include our physiological needs for food and clothing. It encompasses the need to feel we have certainty or control over the different aspects of our lives.
As humans, we will have different opinions as to the amount of certainty we need to feel in our lives. Some people have a desire to have a greater sense of control over situations, people and circumstances. Ironically, the only thing we can be certain of in life is change and death. A great desire for certainty can also lead us into a lot of frustration when we don’t seem to realize that the only person we can actually control is ourselves.
Which is why, the less importance we give this need, supposing that we have food, clothing, and shelter, the happier we tend to be. In other words, our happiness is directly proportionate to our comfort with uncertainty. Another alternative to reconciling with our need for certainty is to find our certainty in our faith or in believing that everything happens for a reason.
The Need for Variety
Second on the list of our basic human needs is our need for variety. Even when we feel a need to control our lives excessively, most of us would admit that life would be boring if we could predict every minute of every day. Life without some degree of uncertainty would lose its picante. There would be no sense of surprise and adventure.
Regardless what you consider to be “adventurous,” you have a need for variety in life. Otherwise, you’d be eating the same thing for breakfast, lunch and dinner— water, toast, water, toast, water, toast. Maybe some of you actually do that because your need for certainty is so high up on the list… who knows. LOL.
Or perhaps you place your importance on variety and breaking the routine. You yearn for adventure and surprise.
What importance do you place on variety versus certainty?
The Need for Significance
The third need of the personality is the need for significance or the need to feel special, important, or worthy. We all have the desire to distinguish ourselves from the crowd and to feel a sense of worthiness. The way we fulfill our need for significance is really worth examining because this one can really become attached to feeding our ego. Some people fulfill their need for significance by wearing a big diamond ring, feeling young and beautiful, attaining a lot of social media followers or making more money—not that any of these things are intrinsically bad.
Notwithstanding, there are better alternatives for fulfilling our need for significance. Significance can be fulfilled, for example, by helping others or by adopting the belief that worthiness is our birth right and not something to be earned. The advantage to this is that we can feel special and important no matter what.
The Need for Love and Connection
The fourth need of the personality is the need for love and connection. This can include love and connection to any other human being, ourselves, the universe, mother nature, God, etc. We can fulfill our need for love and connection in infinite ways: by inviting our friends over for dinner, participating in a group of people with similar interests, making love, meditating, hiking or praying.
How do you satisfy your basic human need for love and connection?
Journaling Exercises for Understanding Your Basic Human Needs
Now that you know the four basic human needs of the personality, what is the level of importance you give to each one? Which one or which two do you strive to meet first and foremost?
For instance, what importance do you place on significance versus love and connection, certainty versus significance, or variety versus love (connection)? Your actions can reveal the importance you place on the six basic human needs. For example, think about the way you handle money for instance, or the way you behave in intimate relationships. We can gain lots of insights by examining our vices and daily habits. It allows us to understand why we do what we do.
Perhaps we have a great need for love and connection but our need for certainty keeps us from making a commitment or taking a chance on love.
In the end, the importance you give these needs doesn’t matter as much as what you do to fulfill them. Examine your habitual patterns. Write them down—both the good and the bad. What do you do to fulfill your needs for certainty, variety, significance and love(connection)? Do you attain these things by engaging in something healthy or productive like exercising, writing, building friendships, painting, or acquiring a new skill? Or, do you fulfill your needs by over-drinking, overeating, smoking, creating unnecessary drama, cheating on your spouse, watching porn, engaging in physical violence or indulging in a toxic emotion like anger?
It’s all worth exploring and observing. It can serve as an eyeopener into understanding why we do what we do. So go ahead and listen to the podcast episode. Also, tune in for next week’s episode on the last two basic human needs, the needs of the spirit.
Besitos, 😘😘
Valentina
#InspiredMamacita
P.S. Don't forget to share your thoughts and comments on the episode below.
